Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
