The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
