Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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