He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
