I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
