just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
