i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
