Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Vodka?
Forever.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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