i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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