I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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