you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
