I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
