yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
