How'd it feel making her break her religion?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
