I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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