Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
