Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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