Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
