My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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