take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
