my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
