tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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