I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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