ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
