Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
