i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
