hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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