Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
