I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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