I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
