What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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