What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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