they need to just BURY HIM!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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