I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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