so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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