omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
