Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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