I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
