she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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