Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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