Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
