we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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