youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
