Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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