Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
