I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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