you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
