Your mouth is God's brothel.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
