you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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