He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
