Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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