You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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