is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
