Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
