SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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