If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
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My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
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If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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