ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
