im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
