Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize