I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize