May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
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Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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