What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
