he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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