this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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