I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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