these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
