In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize